Several things

Several Things:

1. I am an exhibitionist. My brain is full FULL of things, thoughts and wonderings. And I can't tell them to anyone. I just have to keep thinking them over and over. They don't go away, and they don't turn off. It is like eating regurgitated food: you just have to swallow the ideas until the next time they come bubbling to the surface and have to be swallowed again. And each time it is more difficult and less pleasant. I don't think I have been in the situation of having no one to talk to until now, so I didn't know until now how awful it is to have these things rattling forever around in ones head with no outlet. I knew that I could not write them on here since people might read it. So I tried to write them into a journal, but that was no help precisely because no one would ever read it. A journal will not tell you are being silly, or that things will probably work out, or that they won't but not to worry about it. I need people to respond because I can't tell if I am alright or not. So, I must be an exhibitionist. An emotional exhibitionist. I even feel somewhat better writing obliquely about all the things I can't say.

2. It is awful to be self aware. Who wants to know about all the things one does that annoys other people, that makes them wish you would leave, makes them pity you, or want you to stop talking. That makes them glad you are passing through, that you aren't their problem. Because if you know these things, you must always be hiding them. And it is tiring. You cannot just be yourself, because it isn't good company. And even really good people prefer good company.

3. I like being warm.

4. Presumably it is someones responsibility to clean the infernally filthy washrooms at the College, but they are clearly on some kind of permavacation that is causing increasing ire in the Fashion office.