A tragic Mistake

Today I had to go to the in-residence shop to purchase toilet paper. (These places seem to feel that they have an obligation to be three times as expensive as a normal shop for no obvious reason.) So, while I was buying toilet paper at an extortionist rate, I indulged my natural curiosity regarding the Food of Other Cultures and purchased a very small tin of Toast Toppers. Like the ever-present (and alarmingly vague) Sandwich Filling that I often see in the grocery store, the Toast Topper stirred my interest. So I selected Cheese and Ham. This, I assumed, could not be too bad. In this I was mistaken. Sadly mistaken.
Cheese and Ham Toast Topper, I now know, is foul. I imagine that you could produce a gourmet and delicious version of this food if you extracted the cheese powder packet from a box of Kraft Dinner and blended the powder up with some water and a tiny bit of powdered milk and a sachet of unflavoured gelatin. And then chopped some spam into the mix. This would produce the watery flavour in conjunction with the jelly-like texture that seemed to be the only real characteristic of Toast Topper. It would have to be Kraft cheese because only that could reproduce that violent orange shade of the Toast Topper. Which, upon reflection, they may have considered a flavour in itself. The spam naturally would be far an away better than whatever meat-like product they used, but I cannot think of anything like it that one could purchase legally on the open market.
In conclusion: Toast Toppers are Not Good and should Not Be Consumed by People with Taste-Buds.