Iphigenie et Tauride: A Summary

I went to the ROH in London last week to see Iphigenie et Tauride (Gluck) I was too far away to read the surtitles, but I gather that Iphigenie was seperated from her family and became a priestess on a distant isle. Years later she is told by Tauride to
sacrifice two prisoners to appease the Gods only it turns out to be her brother Oreste and his friend Pyride. Which causes problems for Iphigenie who doesn't seem to enjoy Job Satisfaction. And after a WHOLE LOT of DISMAL reflection on CONFLICT and PARANOIA, it ends happily. Strange really. One isn't expecting it at all. And naturally, since it is an opera, this all takes ages to work out when really, it could have been:

I: Alas what a cruel fate is mine.
T: We need to kill these shipwrecked people to appease the GODS!
Chorus of Priestesses: KILL KILL KILL
O: Rats, I hate being cursed by the Gods.
P: Well, I'm glad at least I won't be seperated from you in Death, my beloved friend Oreste
O: Famous notion.
I: I can't do it. Wait! I'll onlt kill one of you, and the other can
take a letter to my family in Greece.
O&P: Sure thing. Sounds great.
I: Right, so, I guess I pick of you to die then (points at P)
P: I am happy to have the honour of saving my friend
O: Oh no! I couldn't be happy with that. Take me instead.
(Much more of the same, resulting in..)
O: Good, that's decided then. I'll die. You mail the letter.
P: Alas!
Chorus of Priestesses: GET ON WITH THINGS
I: I can't do it! Diana please remove remaining vestiges of humanity.
O: You must! And anyway, who cares I am cursed.
I: Okay
O: Here I go, killed by my sister.
I: Really? Oh my brother! I won't kill you.
T: HONESTLY WOMAN, you're the high priestess and we have to appease the GODS.
P: HEY! STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND!
(battle ensues until...)
I: STOP this is Oreste son of Agamemnon so he is king.
T: oh, well, I guess we can't kill the king. But what about your Sacred Duties?
Diana: She can stop and go home now.
O&I: Great!
P: Sorry, I'm a bit lost...
Chorus: So that's that then.