Nine days

I was trying to work today. Really. I was. But then I was distracted. By a rhyme. Suddenly I was thinking about porridge.

Pease porridge hot,
Pease porridge cold,
Pease porridge in the pot
nine days old.

I remember hearing this rhyme as a child and finding it rather baffling. It was the last rhyme in the book. I didn't like porridge. The prospect of being served porridge that was not only cold (and therefore revolting and glutinous), but was also old filled me with disgust. And I could only imagine it a couple of hours old. In my small imagination nine day old porridge was practically green with mold and pungent smells. It was obviously memorable, since someone made a rhyme about it.
The illustration in my rhyme book showed a matronly woman in old fashioned-y dress benignly smiling and stirring a pot of (presumably) porridge. Was this woman proposing to serve the innocent children in the corner porridge that was nine days old? Why should she do such a thing? Had the children been bad? If I was bad would Dad serve me old porridge? The whole scenario struck me as sinister.

Warning!

I think this warning should accompany all public computers:

"Warning, these computers are only here for show. Use them if you like, but please understand that they will not work under the following conditions:
a) Time constraints - the less time you have to get what you need from the computer, the slower it will work, if at all. There are maths involved that prove this is invariably the case. Please do not bother management about it.
b) Urgency - If you REALLY NEED to find something out from this computer, you won't be able to. You will have to wonder, or wait until you find a well treated home computer to check on. Either way, this computer is pleased to help you to a sooner death through the stress it is causing you.
c) Necessity: If it is vital that you use this computer to accomplish important work this computer will help foil your plans. It will open programs, but not save. It will read your disc, but find nothing on it. It will let you type but be sure to freeze every 250 words. Please be advised: the management does not take responsibility for apoplectic attacks.
This computer WILL work under the following condition:
a) Absent, time-wasting idleness: At times that are not urgent, hurried or important, this terminal is pleased to help you pass the time until you leave for something else. It will however perform glitches periodically. Just to keep in practice."