Warning!

I think this warning should accompany all public computers:

"Warning, these computers are only here for show. Use them if you like, but please understand that they will not work under the following conditions:
a) Time constraints - the less time you have to get what you need from the computer, the slower it will work, if at all. There are maths involved that prove this is invariably the case. Please do not bother management about it.
b) Urgency - If you REALLY NEED to find something out from this computer, you won't be able to. You will have to wonder, or wait until you find a well treated home computer to check on. Either way, this computer is pleased to help you to a sooner death through the stress it is causing you.
c) Necessity: If it is vital that you use this computer to accomplish important work this computer will help foil your plans. It will open programs, but not save. It will read your disc, but find nothing on it. It will let you type but be sure to freeze every 250 words. Please be advised: the management does not take responsibility for apoplectic attacks.
This computer WILL work under the following condition:
a) Absent, time-wasting idleness: At times that are not urgent, hurried or important, this terminal is pleased to help you pass the time until you leave for something else. It will however perform glitches periodically. Just to keep in practice."